When at my favorite hairdresser (www.zokkoz.com),  I started making the usual chit chat with Maryann. Thinking she must be bored with other people always talking about themselves I started asking about her.  She laughed and said everyone asks her about herself – she wanted to hear about me!  Then she said something so interesting – over the years she observed that the two most frequent topics of conversation are the weather and time passing quickly. But the irony is that these are two things we have absolutely no control over!  So I am wondering, is that why we are obsessed with those topics – our underlying issue, the control thing?

Of course these are also socially safe topics. God knows only those near and dear to us, or dependent upon us financially, can tolerate listening to our latest medical issues. And start talking Occupy Wall Street with someone and you may end up with a placard being waved in your face, or an iPad, or a tax bill. Mistake an Independent for a Republican or a Democrat and you will be met with disdain and a lecture on stereotyping. (Well, I guess that’s only if you do that to me, not all of us are that sensitive to the matter.)

But maybe it isn’t safety. Maybe we are really just unconsciously venting our spleen over our lack of control when we comment on the twin topics of time and weather? Everyone I know has been talking about how relatively easy the winter was here in the northeast – like we gained back control after last year being captive by cold, snow and ice. Even changing the season changing of the clocks is an interesting way of having the illusion of controlling time in some small way.

So what else to talk about?

• Read, read, read and be ready to mention an interesting fact you learned recently (did you know that in 1900 the census counted you as lower middle class if you did not have at least 2 servants on staff?).
• Doesn’t everyone fantasize about winning the big one? Ask what that person would do. (I would get those 2 household staffers, that’s for sure)
• Bucket list – what is on it? (a ride on a private jet)
• If you could take all your friends and family (at least the ones you actually like) and move anywhere, where would it be. (Mystic, CT or maybe Montana)

Go now and sparkle in conversation.

P.S. I have been lazy and haven’t done Second Thoughts for a while. I am thankful to the people who noticed and nagged me back into doing it again.

“A gossip talks about others, a bore talks about himself – and a brilliant conversationalist talks about you.”   Anon